The Wife or the family?

Someone wrote to ask: Hi. My family contains my mom dad and my wife. I ma having 3 sisters all r married. One day my uncle of 3rd sister expired and due to that she was not staying with our family (since she cant able to stay with her uncle and aunt as they are not good to look after her ) She is also having two daughters with her My wife is saying it is the duty of ur sis to be with her uncle and aunt and she should not come and interfere in our family But my parents also interested in keeping my sis in our family My sis also interested to stay with my parents So my wife and me along with my baby came out and staying alone I came with my wife to avoid the quarrels between my mom and wife

In this situation what should I want to do? Whether to stay with my wife or whether to stay with my family along with my widowed sis and parents I am in confusion and I can’t able to find out an answer for this

For just a second I thought this was going to turn out to be another riddle! I will say that it seems that perhaps your first language is not English, and therefore you may not be living in the United States. Family obligations and the customs around them can be very different in different cultures. My answer will naturally be influenced by my culture - which is North American. And my experiences. I am not a professional counselor, just an old lady who has been around a bit.

You do not mention your own age, or if you and your wife have children. But you do tell me that your wife and mother do not get along. This always puts the son/husband in a bad spot, regardless of what other circumstances may be involved. I personally believe there comes a time when a man is married, that he is more obligated to his wife and children than to his birth family. His parents need to realize that children grow up, and then move on. It doesn’t mean they can’t be in contact or that their son is never there for them - but it does mean that their son has to take care of his own wife and children before he concerns himself with other family members. That is just me speaking and my own humble opinion. Ideally, the wife and mother would learn to get along, but sadly that is not always possible.

Only you can really make this decision. Weigh it carefully, and once you decide, be firm. I suggest you find some time to be alone and at peace. Visualize your life if you remain with your wife, away from your birth family. Fantasize a bit about what you think the future might bring. Consider different possibilities. See how you feel. Now visualize your life if you return to your birth family (leaving or losing your wife?). Fantasize about what you think the future would be like. Consider the different possibilities. See how you feel about these two scenarios. Choose with both your head and your heart. Turn over ideas and see if there is not some room for compromise. Do not allow guilt to force you into one decision or the other, but follow your love.

One pitfall I certainly see is if you choose to remain with your wife, surely your family will not disown you. However, if you choose your family over your wife - you may risk losing your wife completely.

I wish you all the best.

Summer